The Secret

It was my best friend's deepest, darkest secret and it would be a hard one to keep. I didn't know what to do, I was confused. What was the right thing to do? Tell someone, or just keep it to myself. Anyways either will bring conflict. Telling someone will bring betrayed conflict with mybestfriend, and keeping it by myself will bring conflict with everyone else by not telling no one, or trying to stop her.

She told me that only me was going to know where she was and what happen. I asked her that why just not tell your parents about it, but she refused to do that. I decided not to tell no one about it and keep it to myself. It's really difficult, and hard to do this when you see her mother crying and asking "Where is my daughter? Why did she live? Somebody has to know!" when your the person, the only person in the room who knows, but only answers "I don't know." It's hard to keep it when everyone comes up to you, knowing that you were her bestfriend and has to know, but just won't tell. Seeing the guilt on you, and feeling guilty is the only thing that makes you open your mouth and wan't to say it, but when the word betrayal appears in your mind and eyes you stop.


That day I didn't know what to do or say. Was I suppose to give her advice. How was I suppose to be a real friend. I just stayed quite because I didn't know what was right. She had told me about it before but I never beleive she was going to do it, but she really left this time. She was in New York, but nobody knew where she was. She had dissapeared for everyone else, but for me she was still alive and in good shape. She was 2 month pregnant, and this was her best way of telling her mom she had done a big mistake. She had left the state to another world without parents and without help, only of her young and abandonent cousin. This was all messed up, but I just couldnt betrayed her.

Now I feel guilty about everything that is happennig around here. I just can't stand, putting a foot on the house that once used to be her home before she left. Seeing those faces, that wonder where their daughter is, and are full of hope that one day their daughter will be standing at the door apolygazing for all the suffering she has done to them, when I know that the day was very far away.

It all started that day when she told me that she hasn't gotten her period for a month now. She was scared but I kept on telling her that it was all going to be allright. I knew that because she had always gotten her period late. She started planning everything out, she was going to leave Chicago and move to New York where supposely her cousin will help her and give her a shelter to leave below. She was going to ditch her home in the middle of the night, when her parents are asleep and fly to New York. I never paid any attention to this because I knew this was not going to happen, but this time it really did.

It all happen when I was going to go to sleep and the phone started to ring. It was her, and she was telling me today was the day she was leaving. She wanted to tell me bye and that she will really miss me, but I just couldn't let her go. I told my mom I was going somewhere and will be back as soon as I can. "Don't leave! It just not going to work! I will help you get through it, and I will never leave you alone no matter what, But don't leave!" But she just couldn't hear me, she told me that she doesn't want to give her mom a heart attack or see her face when she tells her that she is pregnant at age 15 from a guy that droped out of school. I started to cry,"Just wait and see her face or have a heart atack when she figures out that her daughter left her house at the middle of the night with no trace, thinking no one knows." I told her.

Now she calls me and tells me that it was all big mistake, that without the help of your parents nothing goes right, but she is afraid to come back through all these years, and her parents thinking that she is heaven with god or resting in peace somewhere. She is afraid seeing her mom's face, when she tells her she has a grandaughter she never knew she existed, without a father. I'm even afraid she coming back when everybody figures out that I knew where she was all this time, but never said a word about it. Im afraid of people figuring out that I still had communication with her through al this time but never mentioned it to no one.

I really don't know what to do, but I am willing to live with that secret as long as she wants me to, and I will always help her. Until now she is still in New York with her five year old daughter and one day I know she will come back, and that will be really soon because she can't stand it over there, and I am willing to confront any problems.